How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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