So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
