I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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