South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
