im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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