you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
