I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
