no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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