I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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