so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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