i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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