she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
please don't ironically join a cult
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