I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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