After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
