It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
