Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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