i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
