I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
