my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
