i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
