Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
