I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
