i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
