Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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