it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
