He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
