I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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