everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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