I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
