If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
