i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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