Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
