2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
