this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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