I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
