Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
