How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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