Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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