Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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