Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize