We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
