I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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