well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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