Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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