i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
