I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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