Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
