My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
