My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
