so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Quick, to the slutcave!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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