fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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