what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize