Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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