would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
