So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just had sex on a roof
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
