You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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