Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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