I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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