My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize