Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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