Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
