I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
