i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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