In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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