lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
