I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
