Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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