Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
