oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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