did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
