The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
