dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
