We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
