Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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