Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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