put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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