I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
