I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My pussy is not your playground.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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